I Know You're Fat, But You've Got Skills
Date Written 30th Oct 2007 Length 3:31
This is a fantastic rap that was inspired by a fat mate of mine who's really skilful at football. I hope it can be an inspiration to fat people everywhere that they too can be winners in life, even though they can be so quickly written off. When I was thinking about how this song should sound in my head, I had visions of people mouthing the words to fat girls as they danced in nightclubs, maybe in the vain hope that they would be flattered and shag them. In hindsight, it probably wouldn't work.
Lyrics
Verse 1
School for a fatboy always was a nightmare
They couldn't find my size, so they stuffed me in a tight pair
The ass split on sports day when I went down in the blocks
So they put me in a frilly skirt with knee-high socks
Dressed like that, son, you must be a gayboy
You should check the mirror, sir, before you diss a playboy
I could have a woman, coz women like winners
But girls wind me up when they don't know Linux
I just see a boy son, let's see if you can play
He tries to take a swing, but I've gone the other way
Now I don't like violence but I don't like punks
And I've been watching DVD's of Shaolin monks
How can you just tell me that I eat too many pies
When at Sunday school they tell us all to not tell lies
Maybe you should stop and think before you speak
Coz I go to Sunday school every other week.
Chorus
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
Verse 2
Ever since I was a lad I always wanna be a rapper
But I can't get a deal so I go on X-Factor
Got a porkpie hat on coz I know it looks street
No laces in my shoes coz I can't reach my feet
Sharon's being nice, says I might not look right
Simon never passed up on the chance to get a sound bite
He winks to his left at the bird that he's screwing
Says "If you've got a surgeon, you should think about suing"
I aint fat, Simon, I'm just big boned
And I'll say this quick coz your mother just phoned
Hail master Louis when the turntable's spinning
He knows about rap coz he was there at the beginning
Says I might not be a brother but I know what sounds good
I was in the car when they shot Tim Westwood
R. E. S. P. E. K. spells:
I know you're fat, but you've got skills
Chorus
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
You've got the skills, oh you've got the skills
You've got the skills, oh but you're fat
Verse 3
What's that now, I'm too fat to fly a fighter?
I'd be top gun if I was 10 stone lighter
They laughed when I said I had a place at Miramar
We'll land you in a jumbo if it makes it that far
I rock up in drag with my stockings and suspenders
Coz I've seen the film and I know that they're all benders
I'd make you my woman, but I really should be flyin'
I said "Bullshit, sergeant! You can be mine!"
You had me pretty fooled coz you smelt to fragrant
But you're a big lad for a double O agent
My doctor said the same when I last dropped by
He said "Frankly Mr Bond, I expect you to die"
But I aint got the time to hang around with queeniesYou can't even rustle up a vodka Martini
Go join your buddies, son, and wrestle on the floor
Step aside lads, there's room for one more
Chorus 3
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. You've got skills. You've got skills.
I know you're fat, but you've got skills. So quit your neckin' them weight-loss pills